Monthly Archives: February 2016

How do you get those people to change?

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“We may say we want others to change for good reasons. But no matter how we pose the question, it is always a wish to control others. In asking the question, we position ourselves as knowing what is best for others.

“The behavior we describe in others may be an accurate description, but that is not the point. The point is, our focus on ‘those people’ is a defense against our own responsibility. The question ‘How do you get those people to change?’ distracts us from choosing who we want to become and exercising accountability for creating our own environment. We cannot change others, we can just learn about ourselves. Even when we are responsible for employees or children, we surrender our freedom and our capacity to construct the world we inhabit when we focus on their change.

“No one is going to change as a result of our desires. In fact, they will resist our efforts to change them simply due to the coercive aspect of the interaction. People resist coercion much more strenuously than they resist change. Each of us has a free will at our core, so like it or not, others will choose to change more readily from the example set by our own transformation than by any demand we make of them. To move away from the spirit of coercion, we replace the question ‘How do you get them to change?’ with ‘What is the transformation in me that is required?’ Or, ‘What courage is required of me right now?’ When we shift the focus to our own actions, we also have to be careful not to ask it as a ‘How?’ question. This is not a question about methodology, it is a question of will and intention. And when we honestly ask ourselves about our role in the creation of a situation that frustrates us, and set aside asking about their role, then the world changes around us.” — Peter Block

We are often “role occupants.”

IMG_4538“If we try to live our lives in separate compartments, one for doing and one for being, then for part of the time we are living a lie, ‘the truth is not in us.’

“It is hard for being and doing to weld into one when for part of your doing you have to act a part that is not totally ‘you.’ All of us in organizations are ‘role occupants,’ and few of us could claim there is a perfect match between us and our role. That is part of the problem with organizations and part of their seduction. They force us, or allow us, depending on your point of view, to play a part. It can be fun for a while. It can be damaging in the end.”Charles Handy

Wishing you grace, peace, and simple abundance.

We empower ourselves by understanding our purpose.

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“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.” – Maya Angelou
 
Those that have spent any significant time with me know that I believe we liberate and empower ourselves by understanding our purpose…by definitively answering the questions “Who am I?” and “Why am I here?” This has certainly been my experience.
 
Self-awareness, self-understanding, and a clear sense of purpose (something greater than “making a bunch of money”) is critical to meaningful success.
 
My passion is helping others answer the “Who am I?” and “Why am I here?” questions. One of the ways I do this is by sharing articles and blog posts that I find informative and helpful. So, here’s a post that resonated with me as I read it last night. Hope it does with you as well.
Wishing you grace, peace, and simple abundance.